


Bittersweet

by evilwriter37



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Birthdays, F/M, Gen, hiccup's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 07:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13829232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilwriter37/pseuds/evilwriter37
Summary: Hiccup's twenty first birthday is a bittersweet occasion: his first birthday with his mom, but his first birthday without his dad.





	Bittersweet

Hiccup woke before Astrid that morning. His only companion while he ate breakfast was Toothless, and he was fine with that. He wanted to be out of the house before his wife woke up. She’d be cheerful when she did, and he didn’t want his dour mood to defeat that.

He was heading for the door with Toothless by his side when he heard familiar footsteps on the stairs.

“Where are you off to so early?”

“Just a flight before I have to go attend my chiefly duties,” Hiccup responded, turning to face Astrid. She was in her nightgown, her hair unbraided and mussed.

“And you weren’t thinking of inviting me?” She went up to him, wrapped her arms casually around his waist. “We should do something together. It is a special day, after all.”

“Ah, it’s not that special.” Part of him wanted to just pull away and leave, avoid the conversation altogether, but he instead rested his hands on her back.

“What’s not special about your birthday?” Astrid questioned. 

“I mean, it’s not _technically_ my birthday,” Hiccup said. “That only happens every four years. Makes today just like any other day.”

“Not the way I see it.” Astrid pressed herself up against him, moved one hand to his front to pick at the leather of his flight suit. “Wish you didn’t have this on already. It’s so hard to take off.”

“I’m not really in the mood, Astrid. Sorry.”

She pulled away a little. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean “what’s wrong”? Nothing’s wrong.” He released her, made to move for the door again. “I just want to go fly for a little before I get bombarded with work. I’ll see you later, okay?” He reached for the door.

“Hiccup, you won’t leave this house until you quit lying to me and tell me what’s bothering you.”

Hiccup sighed, letting his hand drop. He turned back to Astrid. “There’s just a lot on my mind,” he admitted. Of course there was no keeping this from her.

“Like what?” She beckoned to him to go sit at the table with her, and he did. They seated themselves across from each other, and he rested his arms on the table.

“Do you think my mom knows that it’s my birthday?” Hiccup asked. “She was away for such a long time, and it’s not like I ever mentioned it to her.”

“I’m sure she remembers,” Astrid assured him. “Your child’s birthday seems like a pretty hard thing to forget, even if you’re not with them your whole life.” She tilted her head, reached an arm across the table and took his hand. “That can’t be all that’s bothering you though.”

Hiccup looked away from her, feeling a lump in his throat. “It’s just… It’s my first birthday without him.” For the past few years his dad had made his birthdays quite pompous, even if he’d objected to it. Even before really gaining Stoick’s acceptance, he’d done something for him on his birthday. And now… now he wasn’t here.

Astrid squeezed his hand, but didn’t say anything, and so he continued speaking. “And it’s my first birthday with my mom. Well, you know, except for the day of my actual birth, but you get what I mean.” He breathed deeply through his mouth, trying to quell the ache in his throat, the impending feeling of tears. “I wish that just once in my life I could have had them both here for it.”

Toothless came up to him, cooing softly, clearly sensing that he was upset. Hiccup briefly pressed his head to his before looking to Astrid, waiting for her to respond. He didn’t know what she could respond with though, not to something like that. After a few long moments in which she said nothing, Hiccup released her hand, stood. “Well, I better go or I won’t have time to get that flight in. Don’t plan any parties for me while I’m gone. I don’t want any.”

Astrid stood too, came around the table, grabbed lightly at his wrist. “I won’t.” She pecked him on the cheek above his beard, then the mouth. “Make sure you talk to your mom at some point, okay? I’m sure she didn’t forget.”

Hiccup nodded. “Okay.” He found himself hoping that he wouldn’t run into his mom till later though, that he wouldn’t run into anybody. He didn’t want to see other people today. Interacting with them felt like it would be too hard. “Love you, Astrid.”

“Love you too. Fly safe.”

 

Hiccup ran into Valka much sooner than he had wanted to. He and Toothless were taking a rest on a sea stack before returning to Berk when a familiar, four-winged shadow fell over them. He looked up to see Valka and Cloudjumper circling towards them in a descent. He felt like he was sighing a lot that day, but he did it again.

“Hey, mom,” he greeted her when she landed and slid off of her Stormcutter. Toothless leaped to his feet, excitedly bounded over to the other dragon. “What are you doing out here?” 

“Oh, was just going for a flight when I spotted you,” she answered, walking over. She pointed to the spot next to him. “Mind if I sit with you?”

“Nope. Not at all.” That was a bit of a lie. Hiccup just wanted solitude at the moment, but he couldn’t just go and turn his mother away. She sat beside him, their arms touching.

For a while, neither of them said anything, both just looking out at the sky and the sea. There were thuds and warbles as the dragons played behind them.

“Mom, you know what day it is, right?” Hiccup finally asked. “Well, not really what day it is, but what day it’s close to?”

“Ah, so you do celebrate it today,” Valka said in way of an answer. “I’d always wondered if you’d celebrate it on the last day of February or the first day of March on the years there was no twenty ninth.” She chuckled a little. “Sorry for birthing you on such an odd day. You just didn’t want to stay in there any longer, and who was I to stop you?”

Hiccup gave a half-hearted smile. “Yeah. Guess I was just eager.” He felt a little bit of his tension leave. It was good to know that she hadn’t forgotten.

The silence that followed was pregnant with tension and unspoken words. Valka seemed to know that he had more to say, and was waiting for him to say it. Finally, he did, still looking out at the sky.

“It’s not fair, mom.” He had that lump in his throat again. 

Valka gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s not.”

“He should be here,” Hiccup went on. “With us. It’s not fair that I only get one of you at once. It’s not fair that I can’t have you both together. Why does my first birthday with you also have to be my first one without him?” His voice cracked at the end. Tears stung at his eyes, brimmed over in trails that were hot on his chilled skin. “Why couldn’t I just have had one birthday with you both together?” Hiccup wanted to keep going. He wanted to feel angry, to bitterly question her about why she’d stayed away, but she’d already explained that to him, and he’d already felt angry about that. Now wasn’t the time for anger, not when it had been dredged up before. It wouldn’t accomplish anything. It would only hurt her, and he didn’t want to do that. He was happy she was here, that he was finally getting to have a birthday with his mom there, but he was upset as well. He figured he didn’t really know what he was feeling. “I-it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry, Hiccup.” She rubbed his back, though he didn’t feel it much through the thick leather of his flight suit. He didn’t know exactly what she was apologizing for. Maybe for not being there. Maybe just because she felt bad he was feeling like this. Maybe both at once or for none of those things at all.

He leaned against her, pressed his face against her neck. It was rare that he showed vulnerability like this, but certainly he was allowed to right now when it was just the two of them and their dragons. Besides, most children had gotten the opportunity to cry in their mother’s arms. He hadn’t.

Hiccup didn’t cry very hard, but it still felt good to do so, to just release his emotions through quiet sobs and tears. Valka had both her arms around him, rocked him gently like he was a child and not a grown man, and he was okay with that. It was a comfort.

Eventually, his tears stopped, but he didn’t break away from her, reveling in her warmth and her smell. 

“I’m glad you’re here, mom,” he said. “I’m just… I’m just upset that he’s not.”

“I understand, Hiccup. I miss him too,” she told him. She drew in a shuddering breath, as if she’d been crying too. “I suppose not all things can just be sweet. Sometimes they’re bittersweet.”

“Yeah,” Hiccup agreed. He lifted himself off of her, wiped at his face. “At least it’s not all bad.”

Valka was wiping at her face too, and she gave him a bit of a smile. “No. It’s not all bad.” She pulled him into another hug and said something she’d never gotten the chance to tell him, something he’d never heard from her: “Happy birthday, Hiccup.”


End file.
